Compiled from www.peyups.com

1. "The aim of policy making is to invoke action! Because action speaks louder than words! You do not just say I love you. You say: If you love me, enter me! " -Dr. Alfonso Pacquing

2. "Class, next week na lang ung result sa exam nyo. I am having a hard time checking it. I will seek first the divine guidance on what to do about it. Class dont worry about your grade. Let me worry about it." -Sir de jesus,envi sci 1

3. (valentines day) "Ano ba yan? Students ba kayo ng UP? Bakit ang bababa ng scores niyo? Siguro wala kayong date ngayong valentines kaya ganito kayo. Losers!!! When i was your age i had a date. Hindi ba naapektuhan ng UP FAIR euphoria ng grades niyo? Parang di kayo masaya..." (sabay matching tapon ng quizzes sa sahig) "I won't record this. Go find a date." (sabay walk out.) -Sir Doliente,BA.

4. Sa Psych Class:

Ma'am: Many people believe that we, psychology graduates can read minds... (silence) Actually, we can.

Class: Weh.. Sample..

Ma'am: Right now, you think that I'm bluffin -Ma'am Chei Billedo,


5. "I don't give surprise long exams. all exams are announced. Halimbawa, Class, mageexam tayo, NGAYON NA!" -Ma'am Chei (again)

6. "The human body is 70% water. Kaya wala kayong kasaysayan lahat. Pag may kaaway ka, sabihin mo sa kanya, TUBIG KA LANG!!! -Dr. Recio

7. "Oo, nagpapaulan ako ng uno... baket? aanhin ko ba nun? di naman ako yayaman dun." -Sir Atoy Navarro, histo I

8. (commenting on a thesis of a senior student) 'Yang thesis mo? .. Mamamatay ka!! Mamamatay ka!!' - Dr. llanes, UPM.

9. "Nasa bandang gilid ang fallopian tube. Kaya kung gusto niyong magka-anak ng asawa niyo, dapat nakatagilid kayo habang gumagawa." -Ma'am Meggie, Zoo 10

10. "Last sem was the first time that I gave a grade of 5, and it felt good!!!" - Prof Goldie, Comm II, circa 1998, first day of class



11. "Hindi ako naniniwala sa tagapaglikha, pero naniniwala ako sa mangagawa" -unknown-



12. "When we thought it was a square, it was a sphere. When we thought it was a sphere, it was a sphere..." -Sir Engle, Natsci 1 chem, on atoms



13. "You, you, you! The both of you three!" -Capt Putol, UPLB ROTC



14. "you do not fall in love; you rise in love. That's how you love rationally." --Dr. FG david



15. "Try to die! Try to die!" - sir billones, on a student who is palpitating while taking the exam.


16. "Anong molars? You don't say molars because it is an adjective! Do you say beautifuls?" - ma'am ilao, to a student who said "n molars"

17. "Kahit magpakamatay ka pa di mo masasagot yang problem set na yan dahil pang-157 (phy chem II) yan!" - ibid

18. "Do not memorize! Analyze!" - doc nic, advising her students never to memorize reaction mechanisms

19. "Kaya nga ideal eh, hindi siya nangyayari sa totoong buhay. Pero an approximation is good enough" -sir engle, on ideal and real systems



20. "the pig's heart is the closest thing you'll get to a human's heart.." - sir ahmad mazahery



21. "WHO BELONGS TO THAT GADGET???" --nanggagalaiting tanong ng NASC1 lecturer namen nang may tumunog na cellphone sa klase habang sya ay nagbibigay ng lecture



22. "Ateneo is not a university, it's a diploma mill. Bakit ba nakangiti pa mga estudyante dyan kapag lalabas sila ng gate nila, hindi ba nila nalalaman ang nami-miss nila sa edukasyon?" –prof name withheld-



23. "The more wisdom you obtain, the more you shut your mouth. This is because the more that you learn, the more you realize that there are even more things that you do not know. The true mark of an idiot is a loudmouth, the true mark of a wise man is humility" -unknown-

24. "IE? Di naman engineering yun e" -Thesis adviser



25. Classmate: Ma'am, pwede po bang next week na kami mag report?
Ma'am: Alam mo, God is good. And I am God. So yes, pwede next week.



26. "Mamatay na mangopya…Ang hindi maka-100, bobo!"



27. "im gay. so gay i could show you my penis because it is but an accessory to my body" -jean navera, spcm1



28. fil prof: pagpasok nya sa classroom, in-outline nya sa board yung idi-discuss for the day.. sa huli, may naka-caps na "PAMPA"
class: sir, ano po yung "PAMPA"?
prof: PAMPA-GISING!


29. FIRST DAY OF CLASSES: "Kung may boyfriend o girlfriend kayo na hindi taga-UP, hiwalayan niyo na agad. Walang pupuntahan yan. Hindi kayo magkaka-intindihan. Tapos yung mga anak niyo, magiging bobo. Gusto niyo ba yun?"

30. ANOTHER PROF: "Hoy girls, wag kayong kukuha ng boyfriend dito sa UP. Pare-parehas tayong mahirap dito. Kumuha kayo ng mayaman. 80% of the child's intelligence comes from the Mother naman eh. Kayo guys, wag kayo kukuha ng bobong babae. Kahit matalino kayo, magiging bobo anak niyo."

31. "Class, Chinatown is not in China. And Ateneo de Manila University is not... a university."

32. STUDENT: Sir, pwede po magpa-sit in yung friends ko?
PROF: From what school are they?
STUDENT: St. Scho po.
PROF: "Go ahead. So they'll realize what they're missing. St. Scho, St. Scho... eskwelahan na ba yun sa inyo?!"



33. sa PHILO: "I THINK THEREFORE I AM FROM UP!"



34. Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Classmate (na-overwhelm): Ummm, asthma is caused by... Pollens and dust and--
Dr. Recio: NO! Asthma is genetically predisposed!
After five seconds...
Dr. Recio: What causes asthma?
Same classmate: Ma'am, it's genetically predisposed.
Dr. Recio: YES! Very good!



35. sorry class i'm late. grabe ang traffic sa EDSA, pero di ako dumaan doon! ~ acctg1 prof



36. "doubledead chicken shit!" -difmeister of polisci



37. "Everything you need to know about the electron, it's position, momentum, etc, ay makukuha mo sa kanyang wavefunction. Kaya kung gusto mong makilala ang isang babae, itanong mo sa kanya,'Hi. May I know your wavefunction?'" -Prof in physics



38. "We trample on the Constitution on a daily basis." -Prof. Cuaresma ng NCPAG



39. "running for summa ka? mapapagod ka lang."



40. my professor trying to switch off his cellphone: "It doesn't want to die. How do you kill this thing?"



41. "If everyone does his best, and Jamby Madrigal stops being a senator, yayaman ang bansa natin."

42. "kapatid ng sinungaling ang magnanakaw. ergo, gma's marriage to mike arroyo is null and void ab initio."



43. "Bilib ka kay Alan Peter Cayetano? E ambaba ng grades n'un e!" -Dr. Melitton Juanico

44. "Si Miriam, crush ko 'yun dati. Muntikan na maging kami, kaso nasiraan ng ulo, kaya 'yun, iba ang asawa ko." -Dr. Melitton Juanico

45. "Class, gusto ko kayong i-train na mag-English, so when you're here in class, magsalita kayo ng English! Ako lang ang exempted dahil matanda na ako at ako ang teacher!" -Dr. Melitton Juanico

46. If you really love someone, just act like a swan; once he finds his mate, he will never find anyone else. But when his lover goes away, he dies because he thinks that his life no longer has purpose in this world." -Dr. Melitton Juanico


47. "dapat kase mga babae may sign na lang na "AVAILABLE" para hindi na kami mahirapan.. pero siyempre, nasa'n na ang magic dun?" -sir aries arugay, discussion on gender and feminism



48. Ma'am Ilao: You don't know the significance of Physical Chemistry? Try counting. Nde mo pa maabot ang 1 Mole, patay ka na.



49. Ma'am Vitriolo: (2nd to the last meeting) Okay class, next week, we start the lecture proper.



50. Law prof to male student: Getting the right answer from you is like masturbation, ang hirap palabasin! Sit down!

51. Sa Law parin:"I'll strangle you, strangle you really hard, smack right in your jugular (pause ng mga 5 seconds), you do know where your jugular is?"

52. Sa law na naman: "Ms. Beautiful, whenever I see you, angels pale in comparison, so always sit in front, so I'll forget that I dying of old age - nakakalimutan ko ang pagnanasa sa mga anghel"

53. Hindi ko naman ginusto na maging Biologist ako or magturo. Siyempre, at the back of my head, pinangarap ko maging ROCKSTAR!!! -Prof. Reyes during a Career Symposium